The Next Chapter - November 29, 2012

The Next Chapter

Wow it has been awhile, life has gotten way to busy.  So to catch up.....Another contract extension(4 weeks), however a different department(Supply Chain),  Happy Thanksgiving! And Merry Christmas season.....  During the next month as we get busier and busier lets pause and remember the reason for the season, and be grateful and thankful in all circumstances.
The kids and I traveled to my sister, Beth's in St Louis MO with Dad & Rita.  It truly was a blessing, my kids and her kids really enjoyed each other, and we hope to plan a summer trip! (thanks to Beth and Brian for hosting). Which seems like a lifetime ago already.

So I started writing this a few days ago, and got caught up with school stuff (mid-term exam). 
So I am back again, and here to admit I am ready to be committed to a mental ward.
This morning I am completely ashamed of my parenting skills, or lack of skills.  The day started so well, on my knees (Jack came in while I was praying and asked to join me~too cute).  But how, why, and when it took a turn for the worst I don't know, maybe it was the nit picking Merry and Jack started as soon as Merry woke, or maybe it was the fact they still had homework to do from the night before (which they told me was done!) or better still, maybe it was the actual phyiscal fighting while I was in the shower or maybe Jack spilling water all over the table getting Merry's homework wet or maple syrup getting on Merry's homework.....  could be any of all of these reasons!  Needless to say I lost it!  I completely lost my head.....  Shouting, yelling, knocking over a chair, throwing the plastic cup with the unspilled water into the sink!! They stood watching 1/2 expecting my head to spin around and vomiting pea soup!  I don't know what came over me.......my lack of composure and my behavior is frightening!  We all ended up crying....  I drove Jack to school, and apologized for my outburst, and asked his forgiveness.  I called Merry on the way back, and said sorry, and then waited with her for the bus, I got a kiss goodbye.  So all is well..... However the damage is done, and I cannot undo this.  I need to find the tools to manage this better!  I am praying for guidance, and forgiveness today.  I am trying to get over this and not hating myself for it.

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! ~ Isaiah 30:18 

I must stop trying to control all of these situations, and continually pray and give the to God, he will show me the way, guiding with his loving hand and heart.  Sending me the holy spirit when I struggle.  Put people in my path who can help us!  I must post this song today ~~ December will be filled with Christmas music only :)

"Redeemed"- Big Daddy Weave

Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight it's already been won"

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"
I remember, oh God, You're not done with me yet

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be

Because I don't have to be the old man inside of me
'Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I've got a new name, a new life, I'm not the same
And a hope that will carry me home

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, 'cause I'm not who I used to be

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, yeah, I'm not who I used to be
Oh, God, I'm not who I used to be
Jesus, I'm not who I used to be
'Cause I am redeemed
Thank God, redeemed